Quitting smoking - 1 week - The mind altering effects of cigarette addiction.

I’m now a week into the process of quitting smoking. Some things have gotten easier, some have gotten harder, and some things are still the same. Oddly enough, I still want a cigarette. I don’t want tobacco, as I am not craving a pipe or a cigar, I am craving a cigarette still to this day. It’s worse when I am idle. Whatever you bastards at the big tobacco companies put in your cigarettes, it works and I hope you all fucking go to the 7th ring of hell for it. This is not a simple case of nicotine addiction.

I’ve come to realize something about the smoking addiction; it isn’t tobacco alone that causes the problem, it’s whatever the cigarette manufacturers do to hook us. I loved premium cigars and smoked those for years along with cigarettes. I don’t want a cigar at all, what I want is a cigarette. Now, this may simply be because I have smoked cigarettes since I was 15 years old but I find it interesting that it is a specific product that I want considering the physical, mental and emotional reaction I am having.

Sleep? Ha! I am still suffering through the worst insomnia I have ever had in my life. Last night I was able to pull in a whole 2 hours of fitful and restless sleep before the weird and spooky nightmares woke me up. After that I didn’t sleep, I just laid in bed in a sort of trancelike state, tossing and turning like I was in some sort of wild and bad movie. I haven’t had more than 4 hours of solid sleep in more than a week and those 4 hours were not restful.

My head still isn’t processing information properly. I am having trouble concentrating and remembering everything about my day. Sometimes I feel trapped and sometimes my sense of time flies away. I’ll look at my watch or the clock and think an hour has passed since I last checked the time and will be confused to see that only 10 minutes have passed since I last looked. I now understand what folks talk about when they discuss the phenomenon of lost time in alien abductions. This is a very disconcerting effect and it has made me wonder more than once if I will regain sanity or my grasp on reality, as I knew it.

Did the tobacco alter my entire perception of the world? Is this similar to a psycho reactive drug experience?

Quitting smoking - Day 3 - Crying jags and holier than thou assholes

I’m so tired. Man, I’m beat. I think the worst of the cravings for a smoke are gone now. Dear Lord, I hope they are. I actually don’t want a smoke today and I am not thinking about smoking with nearly as much frequency as yesterday. I am, however, tired, sleepy and depressed with wild and vivid dreams occurring. Last night I had a sensation of tears welling up in my eyes, like I was going to get all weepy and go on a crying jag like a little girl, for no apparent reason. This sucks big wieners.

My sense of taste is still not back but more strongly flavored things such as coffee, hard candy and chocolate are becoming more complex in flavor to me again. My sense of smell returns in spurts. I still have the jitters too. My hands and fingers are always moving and I can’t stop them. I must look like a mess. Oh yeah, I have a headache too and I’m all wheezy, like an asthmatic in the middle of a field of blooming wild flowers.

Considering what we know is a fact regarding what the tobacco industry does to hook and keep us hooked on smokes, is there any reason you should doubt that conspiracy theories are very real? They’ve tweaked the chemicals that they add to the tobacco over the years to create a scientific method of inducing extreme addiction. They denied this for years and kept it secret, which turns it into conspiracy fact, but in the end we all know what they have done.

I wish that smoking were healthy and not addictive. If it were, I’d still be smoking the Pall Malls whenever I wished. This shit is not healthy and I am such a hopeless cigarette junkie. I mean, Jesus H. Christ…I was smoking un-filtered Pall Malls, almost two packs a day, for almost a decade and Marlboro Reds, two packs a day for almost two decades. I have no fucking will power with smokes and I am going to struggle with it long after the physical effects have left me.

To those who still smoke, I will never, ever be one of those pinched face rat bastards who judge you. I know what it’s like to be hopelessly hooked and I know the physical pleasure that a smoke does indeed give…within seconds. All I can tell you is if you want to quit, get the nicotine gum (store brand to save dinero) and get ready for a crazy ride on the back of a bronco when you kick. If you want support, write me. I get it, I am one of you, I know how hard this shit really is.

To all those pinched face rat fucking bastards who do judge smokers, go fuck yourselves! Your little condescending attitude is horseshit and no one gives a fuck about what you think or about you! Lick my hairy balls and drop fucking dead! Go live with the Mormons and you cats can suck each other off like good little prunes and crones. This is some tough shit to get through and if you are high and mighty about the process it tells me you don’t know the first fucking thing about addiction. Piss off, eat shit and die, etc…Seriously, get bent. Your judgement of smokers if fucked and I don't give two fucks for what you think about smokers.

Can you tell I’ve already reamed one of those types of people today? Assholes...all of them are assholes.

Quitting smoking - Day 2 - No one has died...yet

O, you devil nicotine. I’m in the second day and I’m doing better than I was on Monday. Yesterday was awful. I was happy, I was sad, I was cranky, I was dizzy and hyperventilating. Today I just feel tired and sleepy, I still have the jitters and I feel really low speed. I’m still Jonesin' for an un-filtered Pall Mall but I’m hanging on tight.

I'm sucking so much hard candy that a little ulcer has erupted on the tip of my tongue, which always sucks. You know the kind I am talking about. You get it anytime you overdo hard candy. I've got a lot of healthy (and naughty) food treats at home to help me make it through this. I have a daily workout so that should help me keep the extra pounds in check. Then again, I've had a 30 inch waist ever since high school and that was 25 years ago, so I think I'll be fine.

The nicotine gum will save me. Instead of Nicorette I am using the CVS store brand nicotine gum, mint flavor. Does anyone know if CVS, Walgreens or Eckards sells store brand nicotine gum in flavors other than mint? I think I'm going to need variety in the gum but I won't complain if all I get is the store brand mint. Junkies can't be picky.

Honest to goodness, I think I will always miss my Pall Malls, like any junkie does when he gives up his dope of choice.

Of all the weeks I could pick to stop sniffing glue, it had to be this week.

Dear Lord, it figures this would happen. Your paranoid blogger is having a seriously rough time this morning as I’m in the first 48 hours of quitting smoking. If this weren’t enough, Karl Rove has resigned his position in the White House. The Illuminati better not be up to any tricks over the next few days. I actually want this to work out and not lapse back into smoking. If they throw a curve ball at me I’ll have a puff and it’ll be all over for me.