Thursday, August 9, 2007


Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney has created a new philosophical tenant with his claim that his sons are showing their support for American servicemen by traveling across the nation helping him to get elected. Honestly, this is the most brilliant philosophical stance I have ever heard. I think I will base the foundation of my life on it. For example:

From this day forward I will my support for the poor and under-privileged of America by buying top of the line designer clothing. Looking sharply dressed will inspire them to get themselves together.

I will show support for the Iraq war by setting fire to 10 additional gallons of gasoline a week. I’ll simply burn the gas in a pit.

I will show my support for global warming initiatives by leaving the doors open to my refrigerator. This will cool the planet.

I will show my support for the health insurance industry by quitting smoking. I will switch to chewing tobacco instead.

I will show my support for the 1st amendment by telling anyone with a differing opinion to shut the fuck up. Some folks waste freedoms and don’t deserve what they get.

I will show my support for free trade and the global economy by buying 2 tons of imported Chinese wheat gluten and making dog food out of it. Any problems that occur afterward are just road bumps of capitalism and the only victims in a free market are those without a plan.

Wow. I feel better now that I have a new direction in life. Who knew that justifying selfish stances could be so liberating?

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