The Oral Majority

I wonder if I am limiting my sexual enjoyment by only having sex with free spirited liberal leaning women? It seems that tough talking manly men in the Republican party are pretty adept at giving head based on current events. Should I stop chasing the wild east Atlanta bohemian women and start focusing on the guys wearing Brooks Brothers suits who haunt the state capitol?

Florida State House Rep. Bob Allen got busted last month for soliciting oral sex from “a pretty stocky black guy” in a public park restroom late one evening in July, for $20. The “stocky black guy” turned out to be an undercover cop and wham-o, Allen got hauled off to the pokey (no pun intended) for a little Q&A at the Broward County jail. Hmmm…even as a straight man I’ve always heard about these so-called cruising spots. Allen must have thought he was at Hartsfield-Jackson.

For Allen’s defense he says he was in no way at the park looking to give a quick, public BJ to settle his lustful little right wing heart. No, he says he was all askeered of the big scary black man and offered to give this man $20 to suck his hoo haa just to keep himself from being a “statistic”. You know, I’ve felt very nervous and unsafe in certain locations and times around Atlanta over the years. Defusing the situation by paying to give a dangerous looking man a wet sloppy hummer was the last thing I thought of doing.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/state/orl-allentape0307aug03,0,1892734.story?coll=orl_tab01_layout

If that weren’t enough, the National Federation Chair of the Young Republicans, Glenn Murphy, has resigned his position after police reports have surfaced that accuse him of giving an unwelcome blow job to a young man while he slept. Ya know, I’ve woken up to the wonderful sensation of oral pleasure being performed on me while I was asleep on many occasions. Of course, it was being done by a Birkenstock wearing hippie chick who was being extra nice to this paranoid bugger with her reckless sexual abandon.

http://www.takingdownwords.com/taking_down_words/files/glennmurphy.pdf

What is it with these uptight, gay bashing, family values sort of Republicans giving BJs away like they are candy? Hell, they are even paying to give oral pleasure. No woman even gave me so much as a nickel if I let her go down. Maybe these moral high road fellas are onto something very progressive and forward thinking? Do Republican women act this way too?

Good Lord, have I been making a mistake for all these years by sharing my bed only with wild liberal women? Are the Republican women little sexual hell cats, who’s wiles are so great that they can drive 100% hetero dudes into paying strangers to give juicy oral action in public men’s rooms and on unsuspecting Young Republicans while they doze away? What sort of sexual pixie dust are these people sprinkling?