The paranoid voting segment -- vastly underrated

After giving it some deep thought it's time I threw my hat in the ring and run for public office. It's not like I can screw things up worse than they already are. I'm going to live up to the standards of our current leaders:

I'll be as sexually pure and unblemished as Senator Vitter.

I'll be as fiscally responsible as Senator Stephens.

I'll be a responsible drinker, like Georgia representative Ben Harbin.

I'll lead with rock steady certainty like Senator McCain.