Friday, May 18, 2007

Two politicians walk into a bar...

I often joke with my family that they should never be too disappointed with the black sheep status that I hold by telling them, “Things could be much worse. Imagine if I were a politician. Why, you’d never again be able to walk into the Piggly Wiggly with your head held high.” My favorite politician joke that I tell to close friends is, “What’s the difference between a politician and a prostitute? The Politician is the only one who enjoys the fucking that they are giving.”

What brings these things to mind this morning is a report from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution regarding the amount of money given to our illustrious Governor, Sonny Purdue, for his second inaugural ball. AT&T gave him $200,000 and two of our state utility companies gave him a combined $75,000. All of this so a bunch of politicians and businessmen could dress up, get a little drunk, eat fancy food, dance like the white folks they are, and, of course, cut deals.

While it’s legal to do it, it still frustrates me because we all know why they give and spend so much money for fat, balding sociopaths. It makes me wish that my job worked in a similar manner. Imagine if your job held all of the benefits and nuances that are found in the life of a Governor or a Senator.

If that were the case I would work three days a week and I wouldn’t be at the office 52 weeks a year. The customers of the company I work for would give me millions of dollars every year, just to ensure that I keep my job. I’d book first class seats to exotic and beautiful places all over the world to my employer’s bill and call them “fact-finding missions”. If I didn’t want to mingle with the unwashed masses in first class, I’d borrow a company jet from one of my contributors. I’d play the links at Augusta, Pebble Beach and St. Andrews every year.

I’d return the favor, of course. The company clients would get sweet deals on the services we offer and I may even let them write some of the companies policies for employees. I’d let them have full access to our internal network and see all of our files, data and maybe even the data we have for other clients we have. They would get what they want and I’d get my beak wet, as Don Fanucci would say.

Yes, I can definitely see the allure of being a politician. Hmmm..I wonder how important it really is for my Mother to shop at the Piggly Wiggly with her head held high?

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